Rep. Fred Upton (to reporters): This is OUTRAGEOUS! That my niece would have her privacy VIOLATED like this?! I'll find the monsters who did this and bring them to justice.
[later, when no one else is in the office]
[pulls up the Upton pix]
Rep. Fred Upton (to himself, dick in his hands): Look at the jugs on that girl. If it's wrong to want to bone your niece, I don't wanna be riiiiight!
